No, I'm not dead..

nor am I in Houston.

That job fell through and the DH didn't get another offer until May of this year. Unemployment was nice but its been over awhile.

Lots of other changes...have some other POV due to friends' marriages imploding...other bloggers being outed..

It's been busy

All of a sudden DH got a new job! Yes!

We have to move to Texas! Boo (nothing against Texas but I like Florida)

DH is leaving at the end of this week to start. Boo!

I'll be left alone with some porn and my expensive rabbit. Yes! (nothing like the occasinal bout of self love)

But first, we have to put down our large geriatric dog since DH won't be here to carry her out of the house to do her business and she now wets herself in her sleep. Double Boo!

I probably will be writing more sporadically until the end of October when we'll all be settled in our new state.

Anyone know what strip club rules are in Texas?

Reverse Cowgirl - The Anal Version

rocks.

That's all!

TMI Tuesday # 201

1. Do you have "your" side of the bed? Which side?
Right...even when we're at hotels. When DH traveled so much for business he'd come home and find the left side covered in books :)

2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
I use two of them and they only last or year or so before my inner JAP comes out and demands new ones.

3. What is your favorite position to sleep in?
Always go to sleep on my left side.

4. How often do you change your sheets?
At least once a week. Spunk skid marks can get yucky very fast. Next day after a fun anal session.

5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
If you know, let me know. Saturday night I couldn't go to sleep till 5AM

6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Energized. But DH is of the roll over and snor variety. Often I wait till he's asleep then I go into the other room and read.


7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
5 hours...don't need much.

What do you think about?

Or do you even think during sex?

Being in the moment is something that I personally struggle with both in and out of bed. I'm better...believe me. I spent the first part of my life worrying and planning for tomorrow while ignoring what was right in front of me.

While working in Europe it translated into worrying about my next trip home instead of enjoying my pub time. In bed it was just my mind racing ahead about what was next. There were times when I could be in the moment..but not often.

Even now I have trouble if we're having more vanilla sex. If we're doing PSE stuff like role playing, anal, or if I'm giving what we call the special BJ, I can be there and feel really connected. But often if its just the before sleep daily sex...my mind wanders and I start daydreaming about other things.

Like....

there is another woman in bed with us and I'm watching DH with her
or
DH is watching her and me
or
I'm being ravished by some fantasy person...like a hero from one of my stories.

Is this bad? Am I denying DH some sort of connection when I do this?

Hand To God...

everything I'm about to write is true.

Since its so ungodly hot out here in the Sunshine State, park days with the home*school group have been avoided during the summer. There are those of us that still get together at indoor places so the kids can play and we can chat.

Our favorite place?
Charles E. Fromage (ie Chucky.E.Cheese)

Why?

They serve beer.


So we were there were four moms and my DH there today. Tons of kids...seems like every daycare and summer camp was there having an end of summer party so we sat way in the back in an alcove away from some of the chaos.

One of the moms is having a milestone birthday next month so we were planning what to do to celebrate. The consensus (we let the birthday girl have some say) is that we're renting a limo (with a pole and bar), my DH gets to be the token guy that will allow us into the two totally nude clubs (but he has to wear a collar), and then end at our favorite gay bar.

We decided this while sitting at our 'park day' at the cheesy rodent.

I love my home*school group.

(munged to keep innocent minds away)

True Blood is messing with my sex life

Any of you watch True Blood? It's one of my favorite shows on right now. DH got interested in it before Season 2 started so we went back and watched all of Season 1 in a one week kids-are-in-bed marathon.

In case you haven't seen it, there are several scenes that are very sexual explicit..topless Anna Paquin is a sight that should make anyone, male or not, sexual aroused.

Anyway...last weeks episode had some very adult scenes including an orgy. But it wasn't a *hot* orgy..it was pretty creepy. Post True Blood sex that night...and DH couldn't climax...could barely keep an erection. In the 20 years we've been together this has NEVER happened. I asked what the problem was...and DH said he couldn't keep that night's orgy scene from his mind and it made it difficult for him.

I actually thought about not watching last night's episode but DH was waiting for so we did. Nothing too bad...but during another Anna topless scene (which DH used to drool over) he kept making squishy face. "you don't think *she* is hot?" I asked.

"She's in bed with a vampire. No"

I turned it off right there....HBO ain't gonna be messing with my sex life anymore. Just like I declare some shows offlimits to my kids...I now declare True Blood off limits to hubby.

Suck it, HBO!

What on earth to write about?

My writing time gets divided between four places:

Here
My anyone can read it blog
Facebook
my genre fiction

Sex has been good but nothing extraordinary like having sex with a strange woman. Had some stripper titties in my face but that's not all that abnormal anymore.

What's been grabbing my interest lately is politics....I've been way into the health care debate. But there is a bit of crossover today. Rumor is, according to Politco, John Edwards is going to fess up and admit that the 18 month child of his former mistress is his child.

What chaps my ass isn't that he cheated on his cancer-ridden wife. It's that he keeps fucking lying about it. First it didn't happen, then it was one time, then the affair was over before Skank-Whore got pregnant. Yes, I called her Skank-Whore....a quick review of her life shows her to be an opportunist. I bet she thinks she won the lottery getting knocked up by Mr. Hair.

And John Edwards was willing to take his family down with him...Anyone with two brain cells knows that this stuff comes out during a campaign and yet he put his wife and kids out there knowing that this could happen.

*now getting off the soapbox*

Finally...a little rough

Didn't realize it'd been so long since I've posted. It's been crunch time getting a website done and DH was out of town on some job interviews. No offers probably for the jobs but at least he's getting some attention. I've also been spending an incredible amount of time on Facebook filling out stupid memes and uploading photos of stuff as mundane as our homemade donuts.

Anyway...things have been fine on the sex front for me. There was some minor drama in the HS community over my rejection of L. Evidently I led her on. *insert eyeroll here* You know what I want? A man with tits. Someone into no strings fun and no drama.

DH has been eating me every night just about. The joy of eating pussy is a recent revelation to me. Between Ron's blog and my own experience I totally get how letting someone go down on my can be a *giving* thing. Last night, after we were rudely awakened by a 2AM visitor at the door, DH was having a hard time getting back to sleep so he scooted down to the end of the bed, pushed my shorts to the side and started licking the bare area. The hottest thing? When he would just breathe right above my clit. I swear...I saw stars.

When I was getting close, DH roughly (for him) pulled me to the edge of the bed and shoved himself inside my gasping pussy. I think it was 3 hard full strokes and I was having the climax of my life...it felt like it lasted forever. As I floated back to earth, DH pulled me up by my hands, had me stand at the edge of the bed, and swiftly pulled down my shorts. Knowing what DH wanted I bent over the bed as he entered me...while I stood on my toes and moved my legs together. It wasn't long before I could feel DH getting ready to cum..and he did with a very loud groan (usually he's silent...I'm the noisy one).

Was this anywhere near as rough as I'd like to try? eh..no. But it was more than DH has ever done before...the action of him taking down my shorts was very hot to me. But baby steps are better than nothing..it shows that he's interested in satisfying my sexual interests and that means a lot.

The GFE, PSE, and My Married Man

Sooooo...DH and I have a friend from college that is our age but never married. On an overseas trip several years ago he discovered the joy of paid companionship and has since branched out into doing it closer to home. T tells me about his experiences and even sent me links to a few working girl review sites. T loves the GirlFriendExperience (he very rarely dates for a whole bunch of reasons) and my reading of the other sites has led me to see that a LOT of guys like the GFE.

Which leads me to the Porn Star Experience. DH, like lots of married guys, get the GFE at home (cuddling, affection, extra touching). And if a married guy isn't getting it at home then there are issues beyond getting some paid companionship.

Turns out that I've always assumed the PSE was about actual *actions* slightly out of the mainstream. Like anal sex, having DH cum on my face, or taking videos/pictures. DH thinks its about my attitude...how I ask him to fuck me harder or telling him how I imagined him there with L. and me.

For DH, a perfect example is what I'm doing this afternoon as he takes the boys to the pool. I have the camera set up and I'm going to make a video of my and my new $80 friend for him. It'll be on his computer (in the password protected adult folder) when he gets back.

So...people...what is a PSE for you (or a GFE)?

I'm soooo bored....

If "I'm so drunk is the mating call" of blondes could "I'm so bored" be the mating call for redheads?

I managed to use my new $80 toy today while DH and the boys were at the pool. All I need to say is that DH is at risk of being replaced if the boy doesn't up his game. My friend was so right that it would be worth the money.

But the kids aren't in bed yet so DH is not available....and he won't just use me anyway...blah.

Anyone have questions for me? Any suggestions for grownup fun (with someone or without)?

Friday Fill In #132

1. The last thing I ate was leftover fried rice and green apple gummy bears.

2. An eighty dollar vibrator is something I recently bought.

3. When it rains, it makes me want to lay in bed reading and have sex (not at the same time!)
4. DH was the first person I talked to today.

5. Hugs are nice most of the time but can be over done.

6. Music provides extra comfort.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to having sex in my own bedroom, tomorrow my plans include performing and going out with friends and Sunday, I want to read the New York Times naked in bed!

We're Home! and TMI Tuesday #194 (a day or so late)

Now that's over with...need to write a strip club report but that'll be later. Right now I'm just done. I knew I was done about 10 hours into the drive when I turned around and saw my youngest sitting in his car seat totally naked except for the headphones from his DVD player and my only action was to offer him a cookie. Just so didn't want the battle.

Anyway..day late and a dollar short (just like me!)

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?

My bedroom with a marine who came home on leave to visit and try to convince me to drop out of high school and marry him. That's a story for another day...it ended when I informed him that he was fine to date but he certainly wasn't marriage material.

2. How often do you lie?

More than I ever thought possible before I had kids.

3. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?

Smart...looks fade...but they do give you an incredible pass.

4. Have you ever passed out or suffered memory loss from drinking too much?
no, I haven't ...and I've had a lot to drink (penny beer night in college)

5. Top or bottom?

I'm in desperate need of a strong top....I have an incredible desire to be a bottom that DH just isn't interested in.

Bonus: Do you have any catalogs for toys/videos/lingere delivered to your home?

Print catalogs? Are you kidding? I don't think any catalogs make it inside the house anymore...for adult toys or otherwise.

Because Alfro Asked So Nicely

I don't have the body of a stripper but I've yet to meet one with my brains so I guess there's a bit of a trade-off.

I am not saying that all strippers are stupid but most of them have not been afforded the same opportunities that I have. I'm sure that every single stripper Ron has ever met went to law school in her free time while trying to cure world hunger. I will say, IME, Florida strippers do tend to be hotter if not smarter.

Anyway...I have a really nice one that I would also like to post but it seems a bit explicit for the front page. I may edit oneof my old posts and put it back there.

Anyone Know How To...

Schedule posts? I've been playing with this all weekend as I was going to have stuff post while I'm gone.

To be honest, I'm not looking forward to this trip. DH and I hail from the Chicago area so this means lots of familial FOG (fear obligation guilt). My inlaws are just so different than us its unreal. We're the low end hippies...and they're on the boards of all the right charities. I'm also not very good at ignorning the elephant in the middle of the room...stuff just needs to be talked about, dealt with, and put away. That isn't how they prefer to operate. So, I'll need to pretend I don't know about my SIL's legal issues resulting from her illegal behavior...I'll gloss over the information that my BIL is having another breakdown. The important stuff will be that I'm too fat, don't wear much designer, and homeschool.


On the plus side most of our friends from college ended up there so we're going to have fun with that. There is a totally nude club there that has a couples free night that we're going to with some friends. DH and I have already decided that going back to the vip area together with a girl for 40 minutes is probably out of the question due to our friends being with us. But I did tell DH that since I was putting up with two family together events *I* can go back for 40 minutes with a girl of my choice and he can hear about it.

I'm such a kind wife, am I not?

Friday Fill-In

And...here we go!

1. She had a great ass. That would be the girl that DH and I spotted at the same time when I dropped him off at the airport.

2. One of my furbabies is by my side, always.

3. I know this: I love anal sex

4. I want romance still.

5. These words apply to me: conflicted, smart, short, middleaged.

6. Unfortunately the sun was shining.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to DH coming home, tomorrow my plans include sex in the back of my car after we drop the kids off at the sitter and Sunday, I want to start packing for our trip to Chicago!

My current crush...

I'm totally over the sparkly vampire....I've moved on to a drug dealer!

Anyone watch Weeds? The protaganist is a woman who became a pot dealer after her husband died in order to maintain their upper middle class lifestyle. 4 seasons later she's in love...with the head honcho drug dealer.

And I'm totally crushing on the sociopathic drug dealer. He's a short guy (and I never dated anyone under 6ft) dark hair...and all man. I'm so into the dominant thing again.

Last night DH was out of town for an interview so I did a screen freeze of the actor's face as I used my rabbit. I kept imagining him pushing my head down on his desk while taking me from behind and when I struggle a bit leaning forward and whispering dark threats involving spanking and other naughtiness.

When I use Mr. Rabbit, the orgasms tend to be more functional in their release. this time? Took a little longer but it was great. Got the build up that knots my stomach...the light beads of persperation on the back of my neck...and the the ongoing feeling of climax. It was almost as good as it is with a human.

TMI Tuesday #192

What an interesting (and thought provoking) set of TMI questions.

1. Would you stay in a loveless relationship for the amazing sex?

I don't know how to answer this one. This may not be a great girl response but I'm discovering the difference between sex and connection. Not sure that I want a 'connection' with anyone new...just new and exciting sexual experiences. I wouldn't stay if it was so loveless that we were crabby all the time but I can see being casual with someone...being OK with it...and staying in that sort of 'loveless' relationship for some time.

2. If you could only have one, which would you choose: love that lasts forever or great, body numbing sex?

Love...can't imagine enjoying body numbing sex so much that I'd give up the partnership that I have with DH

3. Looking back at your past loves, which one should you have married/taken back and who should you have tossed earlier than you did?

There was a guy, that I'm still friends with, that is probably my soul mate but we would have made horrid partners. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like now if I'd made a different choice. I was always pretty quick to dump so there's no one that should have gone sooner.

4. if you had one last fuck in you where, how and who would you “give it” to?
DH no question

5. Which is more important sex, money, love and happiness? (and no, you can’t pick’em all)

in order of importance to me:

happiness
love
sex
money

The main source of conflict in our marriage has been money...and the fact I don't care about it. I don't need fancy hairstylists, the huge house, the right clothes...that's just not me. DH has always wanted to provide for me and is only now realizing that I don't care so much about the money...I'd rather have him around. It's been a source of frustration that he tries to give me stuff and then I'm not totally appreciative.

Was it hot?

I don't know how warm it is where you are but its crazy hot here. And I live in a place where people know hot...so it means lots of days hanging at the community pool (since it has a big slide for the kids) and enjoying the MILF eye candy. One of the advantages of living in a golf club community :)

But you're not really interested in that...are you? You want to hear about my date with L.

I was very tightly wound the whole day...couldn't decide what to wear..and started thinking that maybe I should claim a headache so I wouldn't have to go. What was really bothering me?... we are mom group friends and I don't like to shit where I eat. This is all very uncharacteristic behavior. Usually I'm so laid back that people say (up north) that I have a Type Z personality. Of course, here in the sunshine state I'm considered pretty type A.

Anyway...we meet up, dinner went fine once I realized that we were still the same people we are at the beach. Lots of girlfriend talk about men, our sexual experiences, and a long discussion about dressy sandals.

Eventually we finish with our dessert and leave. And in the car while discussing what we're doing next, she leans over to 'wipe away some chocolate' and kisses me. Nothing...I felt nothing. All the doubts and squicky feelings I had earlier that day came rushing back. When her hand started going up under my shirt, I gently pushed it away and gave a 'its not you, its me' speech.

I like messing around with strippers...not mom friends. Now my big problem is how to reconcile that with my feminist ideals. That's a topic for another day.

I have a date...kinda?

In light of my previous post....

It's not cheating if its in the contract, right? (Believe it or not I wrote the bulk of that post back in November). This weekend I'm going out on my first 'date' in 20 years....with a woman. We met through one of my mom groups and at the beach days have been enjoying putting sunscreen on one another (DH is very pleased watching that..almost as much as the park day where the bi girl with fake boobs let me feel them up to see what they were like).

She's living with her partner in a very open arrangement and she has LOTS of experience with this. The phone call where she asked me out was really an attempt to have all four of us get together. DH wasn't open to this...at least yet. And frankly I'm not interested all that much in new penis. DH is really good and I can't help but wonder if any other cock is going to be a disappointment. I'm just *so* old fashioned! :)

Anyway..we're going out for dinner and I expect there might be some making out in the car later. Any suggestions on how far to go? First base? DH is hoping for a home run but car sex has never been my thing.

God I'm nervous. What if its an epic fail? Will we still be cool with one another at the mom events? At least our kids don't like each other much so we wouldn't have that wierdness.