I’ve been reading a lot of sex positive blogs over the past few months. Blogs about swinging, working as an escort, being poly, and being a slave or master. From a psychological standpoint, I find the whole D/s thing very interesting and until reading these blogs thought of it as only a bedroom thing.
Let’s start by me stating my bias/place in life right now: I run my house…not always particularly well as I hate housecleaning but its mine. Back when I was an adult, DH called me on a business trip to ask how to put groceries away. At the time, DH had 4 employees…now he is in charge of a large geographical region with 15+ offices under his control. And he would still ask me how to put the groceries away (that’s assuming he knows where the grocery store is anymore) and is very diligent about his Honey-Do list.
So, when I read about slave duties including housework, I was very intrigued. Like I said I hate the whole cleaning thing. I’ve tried concepts like Flylady and organizing books. The problem is accountability…I have none. DH’s tolerance level is so high that I would have nervous breakdown about the house before he’d notice anything was wrong.
Another submissive blog I read is Persephone’s Obedience. In it she talks about containment…being provided structure, boundaries, and accountability by her owners (who she is not currently relating to sexually). It seems parental to me and I’m not saying that as a negative judgment.
This weekend I had a very interesting talk with a friend of mine who is a psychologist about 24/7 D/s relationships. Specifically I wanted to talk about the structured/parental aspect of it. Now understand, she is very kink friendly, likes playing (being tied up ..never knew this about her before). Her hypothesis is the idea that people can crave the nurturing structure they didn’t get when it was developmentally appropriate.
Not sure I buy it. I didn’t have much structure at home..mom was clinically depressed and was hoarder..dad was an alcoholic. It got so bad after my dad left the military that CPS actually removed me from my parents home and I lived for awhile with a faculty member from my private school as a foster child for almost one year. And while I’d like some accountability to make me do housework, I can’t say that I feel any real interest in turning over my life to DH. With her theory, shouldn't I be a textbook case of someone looking for 24/7 domination?
Psychologist friend pointed out that I had strong external structures some of which were nurturing …the military (dad was in until I was 9 and we always lived on base) and after Dad separated, I had my private school.
It seems to pithy to me to write off the desire for submissiveness/containment to a need to repair childhood damage.
So what is it
3 years ago
4 comments:
Geez... nothing like a post to get people thinking. I'll try to make my answer short, but no guarantees, might have to turn this into a post of my own. (You have to stop doing that to me!)
I think your friend may be right, in a sense, in some cases. I didn't have a whole lot of structure (single working mom). But one thing I also had was an absent asshole for a father... and I think in my case, that plays more into it than the structure. It's the affection, the nurturing, the love that I need from my Master. Structure helps, though, cause I totally suck at that.
As for you - you might be surprised what your DH would do if given the chance to "dominate". His tolerance for messiness might disappear. Though C is still very tolerant, he's implementing more and more structures and rules for me in that area... love it and hate it :)
Biggest part is personality/core - are you submissive? Because if you are, truly, this might be something worth trying. It also helps if DH is dominant :)
Hope your hoo-ha is feeling better...
lalana
DH has said repeatedly that he is *not* dominant. It's an issue for him at work where he gets burned by people who need a lot of handholding/direct supervision. He's just not good at it.
Your response made me think...maybe I'm not the submissive one (it doesn't always have to be female) and I've found that DH is happier the meaner I am. There's another post there.
Maybe that's something to explore... I tend to still think in the M/Dominant - f/submissive sense, because that's how it works here. Sorry, showing my vanilla side a lil there :)
Don't worry about not thinking of it before, I didn't either and I was a member of the Feminist Union and went on marches for equality.
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