Cheater Blogs

DH and I were talking about a particular genre of blogs I like...cheater blogs.

As I've stated before, in my experience, the guys who do this are looking for something MORE. The "more" is described in different ways...less vanilla sex, quantity of sex, greater level of intimacy.

Our discussion was, "Are those grounds to break the contract?" We both view marriage as a contract. It's open to renegotiation and addendums but it has to be signed on the dotted line by both parties. Violation of that can create huge penalties.

Me fooling around with a stripper? Not a violation because we talked about it before hand and our contract was changed to allow it. DH being with another woman in the context of a threesome? Fine, its in our contract. Me going out and picking up a guy at a bar for a random blow job? Not cool and a gross violation of the contract.

The contract really is communication. DH wonders why the guys who do cheat don't have an honest conversation and some realistic expectations. Back when we were in our dark time and DH was NOT getting what he wanted sexually, he sucked it up. I wasn't thrilled with things either. The guys who aren't getting what they want at home probably haven't stopped to think their wives probably aren't either.

But (and I have a nice one!) what about when a partner is unable/unwilling to acknowledge the partner's sexual needs and yet refuses them the freedom to take care of business? Dan Savage had a great column where the husband wasn't getting any because the wife had medical treatment and never wanted sex again. "Better or worse" goes both ways. If DH wasn't putting out the way he is...I'd go looking because I'm not going to spend my sexual prime on the bench.

Wonder if I'll be so zen about it when menopause hits and I'm a hormonal mess.